Well, like I said, Tom must have been paying more attention than I thought. He must have noticed that new dress I bought to wear to the book club meeting and the new hairstyle I got the last time he was out of town. And I’d lost a few pounds too. I was actually looking pretty hot, if I do say so myself! I was also getting to the point where I could barely stand to be in the same room with him. So, when he was home, I stuck pretty close to the bedroom and left him to his ballgames in the den.

Last week, I decided that when Tom got home I was going to tell him that I thought we should break up. I didn’t want to spend anymore time with someone who didn’t appreciate me. Especially when I knew that there were other men out there who would. I made this decision on Tuesday night and Tom was due home Wednesday night. And since I knew he wouldn’t miss me anyway, I decided to go ahead and go to my Wednesday night book club meeting. Better to have a little fun than spend my night grabbing dinner and a brew for someone who didn’t even care if I was there or not.

Tom got home before I did. He figured I’d go ahead and go to the meeting and you should have seen the roomful of romantic surprises he had waiting for me when I got there! When I first walked through the door there was a little red heart-shaped bottle on the floor. “Now what the heck is this”, I thought. Inside the bottle was the most romantic little poem – that Tom wrote all by himself! For me!

When I looked up from the note, I noticed rose petals scattered on the floor, going all the way down the hall to the bedroom. And I couldn’t help myself. I had the biggest grin on my face as I followed that romantic trail to the bedroom.

When I opened the door, there were candles everywhere. And roses! I’d never seen so many roses in one room! He had even placed a tray of chocolate covered strawberries on the dresser with a bottle of champagne chilling in the ice bucket! I had no idea this man could be this romantic! Why, I peeped into the bathroom as I walked by the door and there was even a roll of toilet paper with little red hearts! When I saw that, I knew that if my husband could go to the trouble of finding something as silly as romantic toilet paper, that he must really love me and appreciate me after all!

I had been thinking about leaving my husband for quite some time. Our relationship had been going downhill fast over the past couple of months and he must have sensed it. In fact, I know he did. Because he did something so unexpected….Well…let me tell you how my husband prevented our break up by leaving me a series of Romantic Surprises!

About 6 months ago, Tom started a new job that kept him away from home a few nights a week. In the beginning I was fine with it. In fact, I kind of enjoyed having a night to myself every now and then. For girl stuff. You know. I did my nails and watched chic flicks. Read a romance novel every now and then. And it was nice not having to cook dinner on those nights or pick up his socks or get him a beer while he sat there in the recliner watching his ball games.

After the first month, though, I began to get a little bored sitting at home alone all the time. So I joined a book club at the library. Just for something to do. And there was this really nice man there. Now, I know what you’re thinking and NO! I didn’t! But he was so nice and considerate. He carried my books in for me and held the doors, helped me juggle the coffee and finger sandwiches we had at every meeting. And he honestly seemed to WANT to hear my opinion of the books we read. He was sincerely interested in ME!

All of this attention only seemed to magnify some of the shortcomings I was beginning to notice about Tom. We rarely held any kind of a real conversation anymore. And it seemed that I was always doing something for him. Fixing his dinner, doing his laundry, getting him a beer every time someone scored a stupid touchdown. It seemed like he was gone now, more than he was home. And when he was there, he didn’t even seem to notice that I was taking care of everything since he started that new job. I did all the housework and paid all the bills, I kept the budget and even took care of the lawn!

To be continued….

Well, you could immediately see the relief on his face. You see, I had already learned that, sometimes, when your loved one comes to you ready to break up, all they really want is for you to acknowledge that there IS a problem, and that you respect their right to be upset. Jerry was prepared for a confrontation and, when I didn’t offer one, instead pulling even farther away from me, we actually bonded a little more because we were both finally in agreement on something.

Jerry went ahead and left that night, after I gave him his belongings and got my key back, of course. And, as I learned from my girlfriend, I left him completely alone for a few weeks to give us both time to get our heads on straight and analyze our feelings for each other. Not communicating with him gave me the opportunity to really see what might have been the cause of the problem and if it was even possible to solve it. In the meantime, my not communicating with him also gave HIM the opportunity to realize what he had lost.

About a month after the break up, I dropped a little note into the mail for him. Just a brief note telling him that I was sorry for whatever I had done that had upset him and that he was right, the breakup had been good for me. I also told him that I’d love to tell him about all the great things that were happening to me, but that I needed to rush off right now, and I’d try to catch him later. Well, that little note certainly did turn the tables. Jerry was so curious now, to know what was going on in my life, that he called me the very next day and asked me for a date. (Of course, I told him I was too busy but that I had a free night on Saturday. A girl should never accept a date without at least 48 hours notice! It just isn’t the thing to do!)

Jerry had decided to take me somewhere we had never been before, since it was our “First Date” – again! LOL He took me to this really awesome movie theater downtown where they show classic movies and movies that have won Academy Awards. And guess what was playing! “Titanic”! Quite possibly THE most romantic movie of all time! We got seats in the back row. And shortly after the movie started, Jerry did that fake stretch and yawn move. You know the one? When they’re done stretching and yawning, the guy lets his arm flop onto your shoulder? Well, we both cracked up at that and someone turned around to hush us. And we didn’t make another peep for the whole rest of the movie…….

I’d like to tell you about how I got my ex back on a romantic date. But first, I have to swear you to secrecy. You can not breathe a word of this to anyone. If word of this were to get out, I’d have men and women from all over the country beating down my door! Begging me for the secret of how I got my ex back on a romantic date. Ok, now,…remember…you promised. Shhhhhh……

Here’s how it happened. My ex and I had been together for about 2 years and our relationship was going through a rough patch. I thought it would eventually just smooth itself out, but, boy was I wrong. I started noticing a change in him. He was wearing different clothes and started to style his hair differently. He was gone a lot and when he was home, he barely had two words to say to me. Needless to say, I wasn’t totally surprised when he told me he thought it was time for us to breakup.

Fortunately, I had just been through a similar situation with my girlfriend. She and her fiance had gone through a breakup about 5 months earlier. She went down the usual path of depression, loneliness, not eating, not sleeping. She even went so far as to drive by her ex’s house every night for a week just to make sure he was alone. She actually made herself sick with anxiety and I nearly had to take her to the hospital one night!

Anyway, she tried everything she could think of to get her ex back and finally she found some help online. And after following a few easy steps, she got her ex back! It was amazing! After all that stalking and texting and crying and confrontation, she managed to mend the relationship and get her ex back!

I was prepared then, when my boyfriend told me he was breaking up with me. I knew exactly how to handle the situation. My heart told me to scream at him, and to beg and plead with him to stay. But my head knew otherwise. Creating a scene would only force him farther away from me than he already was. So when he told me he thought we should break up, I simply said, “I agree. You’re absolutely right. In fact, I’ve been feeling the same way!”

To be continued….

Winning back your love isn’t an easy task, nor is it particularly fast. But you know deep inside that whatever is worth having, is worth waiting for – right?

Did you know that when a relationship breaks up, it takes ½ the length of the relationship to get over it? That means, if you were together for 2 years, it will be a full year before she even begins to forget about you. So you have plenty of TIME, to give her some space and TIME to recover and get herself back together.

In the meantime, while you’re giving your ex some quiet time, go to work on yourself. Have you taken the time to truly look at what happened with your relationship? Have you taken the time to decide what you’ll do differently in the future? And what about the past? Have you had enough time to get over it? Have you had enough time to forgive your ex for whatever pain they may have caused you?

You have to learn to be patient if you want to succeed at winning back your ex. Everyone’s heart doesn’t heal at the same speed and trying to rush the process will only create more harm than good. Allowing someone the time and space they need to recover from a bad breakup will only help bring them closer to you. They’ll appreciate the fact that you respected them enough to give them the time and space they needed to heal.

These days everyone wants everything right now. We’re always looking for the shortcut. The easy way out. Success in a microwaveable package. And this thought process can carry over into our romantic lives. You want instant success when it comes to winning back your ex.

Because we are so used to getting everything we want with just the click of a button, we forget that humans relationships are not controlled by electronics. There is no on-off switch on our hearts. And the healing process takes a little bit longer than sending a text message. Establishing love and trust takes time, and if your ex has left you, then you will have to make changes in your way of thinking and give them that time if you are thinking of winning back your ex.

The secret to whether you’ll succeed at winning back your ex is Time. How long were you together? If you were only together for a few weeks, chances are not very good that you’ll get back together. But you do still need to give your ex some time to calm down and get themselves back together before you try to contact the?

Were you together for a few years? The good news is, you’ll have a much better chance at getting back together simply because you were together for so long. Give your ex plenty of time to be on his own before you try to contact him. Remember, Time is the secret here. It takes time for them to calm down, more time to heal and a little more time to forget. Don’t worry. They won’t forget about you during this “quiet” time.

Maybe this would also be a good time for you to take some time as well; after all, breakups aren’t always one sided. You need to make sure that you are fully prepared when you begin the challenge of winning back your ex!

I call these tips for getting back together, but in reality they should be called rules – remember yesterday when I said there were a few more rules you need to follow?

1. Are you both willing to compromise? – Understand that things won’t always go your way. And sometimes you may have to make a sacrifice for the relationship. If you’re prepared for this inevitable compromise, check this one off, too.

2. Are you in love with your ex? – Or are you in love with the romantic idea of getting back together with your ex?

3. Are you confident your ex loves you? – Are you getting back together again because you love each other or because it’s the comfortable thing to do? Have you tried getting along without your ex?

4. Are you both willing to forget the past – The past is over and can’t be changed. If you of you is holding a grudge, or is unwilling to forgive the other, than this is not a good time to get back together.

5. Are you and your ex willing to continue working on developing and taking care of yourselves? – Love means a total commitment to each other, but not at the sake of your own self. Will you be able to allow your ex the space he or she needs to continue working on their own self improvement and growth?

Once you’ve both come to an agreement on these and many other issues, you will be well on your way to getting back together and finding lasting love.

Here’s a list of 5 things to consider if you and your ex are thinking about getting back together again.

1. Have past issues been resolved? – Maybe you haven’t even discussed the break up. If not, you’re definitely not ready to get back together. But if you’ ve at least come to a clear understanding of the issue that caused the breakup, then check this one off the list.

2. Did both of you learn anything from this breakup? – Break ups don’t just happen over night and without good reason. If you’ve discussed the issue and learned how to prevent it from happening again, then check this one off, too.

3. Does your future together look promising? – When you look into the future of your relationship, does it look different than the past? Do you both understand that relationships, as well as the people who are in them, are constantly growing and changin?

4. Did you learn that you can live without him? – One of the biggest reasons that people stay in bad relationships, or rekindle a bad relationship is because they think they can’t live without their partner. You both should have learned that that is not the case. Did you both find a way to enjoy life while you were separated? If yes, than mark this one off.

5. Are your life goals and core beliefs basically aligned? – Can you at least support each other on the paths that you’ve chosen and help each other along the way?

Tomorrow, I have more tips for you, and more things to add to that checklist – we all know how important checklists are, don’t we? And most importantly, we must have a plan to win at getting back together.

When you decide it’s time to take action and win your love back, you’ll receive heaps of advice from every corner. As you’ve seen and heard, there are quite a few things that you need to keep in mind.

I’ve listed a few more here – some tips to make her fall in love with you all over again – that you MUST remember!

1. Be attentive – this is more important now than ever before. You’ve already made her feel unappreciated and unloved by not giving her enough attention. Listen to every word she says now, because there’s a wall between the two of you, and if you want to get past it, you’re going to have to do some fancy reading between the lines.

2. Don’t be jealous – watch how she acts with other men now. Does she still pay attention to you, too? Or does she glare at you with daggers in her eyes? Is she hanging out with your buddy so they can talk about you? Or are they making out in his car? She’ll never answer these questions directly, so you’ll have to pay attention yourself.

3. Don’t play games – Now is not the time for games. I know all those relationship books say to play hard to get, let him make the first move. Well, just don’t! At this stage of the “game” her signals are very important, and you’ll either miss them or misread them if you’re too busy concentrating on your next move.

4. Keeps your cards close to your chest – I know, I just said no games. But nonetheless, keep your cards close. Relationships are hard enough when you’re together. And the real key is power. Give her too much power by saying those 3 little words and you can just go directly to jail, do not pass Go and do not collect $200!

5. Stay in shape – Make sure you always look your best when she sees you. Hold your head up high and carry on as if you were having the time of your life. You want her to regret her decision, you want her to miss you. What better way to make that happen than to show her that you did every thing she said you never would.

I promise that if you keep these things in mind, you’ll have the love of your life right by your side!

My girlfriend and I recently split up and all my friends are emailing me asking me what I’m going to do. One of them even went so far as to send me this list of ways to win your love back. I think I’ll give it a shot.

1. Call her – Sounds pretty simple, right? She may have called you 5 times a day when you were together, but you can bet your boots she won’t be calling you now. She’s going to be following all the advice in those relationship books. They’re all telling her to leave you alone for a while so you can get your head on straight. So, if you want to talk to her, you’re going to have to suck it up and call her.

2. E-mail her – This is another one. If you want to hear from her at all, you’re going to have to make the first move. Regardless of who left whom, she will not be contacting you in any way, shape or form. Again, suck it up. Just send her a brief e-mail and say, “Hey! What’s up?” Just enough to let her know you’re thinking about her, but no intrusive.

3. Stay away from other girls – yeah, yeah, I know, the books all say to get on with your life. But if you really want to win your love back, you better be available. It’s ok to go out on an occasional date with someone else, but that’s it. You each go home alone.

4. Don’t forget her birthday – yes, even though you are not together anymore, if you want to have any hope at all of winning your love back, you had better remember her birthday, Christmas, or any special Anniversereis that pop op while you’re on the outs.

5. Call her again – just a short call here and there. Nothing that could be considered stalking! She just needs to be reassured that you’re still thinking of her and that you still care about her.